The Best Version of Yourself

What is the best version of yourself?

I think of it as the one that is energized, sincere, and egoless. The one that doesn’t need anything from anyone and is quite content for everyone to be themselves. They recognize the gifts of others and are happy to collaborate and share their own gifts. The one that knows who they are and what they like and content in that, yet ready to try new things. And finally, the one who is not guardedly jealous but knows there is enough for all.

It requires that you know yourself.

What is your vision for the world, and your place in it- your personal mission.

You know your goals that help further your mission and your strengths and values you can apply to that vision.

It recognizes your passions- what you enjoy and leaves you energized.

It knows what is unique about you and doesn’t shy from it.

It is comfort with your preferences and tendencies and knows the strengths and liabilities of those tendencies in working with others.

The sum of all these things is what I call your Brand. How you are known to others-

So I want to start with knowing oneself beginning with preferences and tendencies. I am a DiSC provider. In the DiSC assessment, we ask a minimum of 78 questions to determine one’s preferences and tendencies. The questions are repeated in different wording, settings, and situations to ensure the answers are consistent. And in cases where there appears to be a tie, we ask additional questions to be sure.

When I review the results of the assessments with clients, some are not surprised at all and find the results affirming. Some find they have adjusted to this due to the role they play in their workplace and are very different at home.

I find that knowing one’s true preferences and tendencies – and also knowing there is no one style that is better than another, allows people to honor their own style. It also helps to know that the world’s population, regardless of gender, age, culture, or ethnicity is roughly split 25% in each style.

When I debrief the results of an assessment, I ask about primary relationships and ask the client to ‘read’ their peers or spouse. Are they more outgoing or reserved? Are they more warm and accepting? Or More questioning and skeptical. Based on the answers they know how much more intentional they need to be in adapting their style to meet them halfway.

This is often a lightbulb moment. “Ah,” they say, “that’s why they are so ‘short’ with me” or “I guess I shouldn’t tell long stories to win their approval”

We could all use some tips to better understand others. When we step into their shoes and view ourselves, we see how we might be unintentionally annoying them, and what we can do to adapt our style to help fit their needs.

I don’t recommend acting as they do – or becoming a chameleon, that can be frustrating to ourselves- hiding our best parts- and frustrating to others- as they cannot predict how we might respond- or worse we are accused of flip-flopping.

But I do advocate for acknowledging your preference by stating it and then your attempt to bridge the gap. Something like- “I’d love to launch into my to-do list and get to business, but I recognize that might sound aloof and uncaring- because I value our relationship, let me demonstrate “how was your weekend?” It sounds awkward, to begin with- but it shows you are making an effort- which will be appreciated by those who want to have rapport. Soon enough it will become natural with those who want this- and they will adapt their responses to be brief – and acknowledge – thanks for asking – I hope yours was great as well…Let’s see how we can tackle this issue.”

One of my favorite features of the DiSC is what we call a comparison report, which offers tips for working with one another including how different you are in preferences like tact or speed of work. I recommend people bring these reports to their one on ones as a lighthearted traffic light reference to aim for rapport and intentional adaptation.

I especially recommend a coaching session for pairs who regularly work together or even spouses. What are some standard operating procedures we can agree to respect one another’s preferences and tendencies?

When we honor our own style and we respect and adapt for others we are ensuring a significant piece of being the best version of ourselves. Combining this with the flow, exercising our strengths, and other elements of engagement such as autonomy, mastery, and purpose we are ensuring we aren’t just checking a box when we clock in, but really giving our best and finding it tremendously rewarding. This brings us to our tool of the week: The DiSC assessment – it comes in many versions, workplace, management, and productive conflict among others. If you would like to be the best version of yourself at work as well as improve communication and rapport– book a DiSC workshop, both virtual and in-person versions are available. Contact me at shawna@shawnacorden.com

SO, HERE’S YOUR fieldwork –because COACHING WITHOUT ACTION ISN’T COACHIng – IT’S JUST ENTERTAINMENT

Consider the communication gaps in your team. Where are people not honoring their own styles and the styles of others? What adjustments can be made? What steps can be made to allow both parties to compromise for a better result? What practices or processes can you put in place to ensure this becomes standardized?